This is Us: Watch All of Your Favorite Stars From 2002 Cry

I saw a trailer for “This is Us” on my Facebook feed a few months ago. All of my aunts were sharing it so I knew it would be some sort of terrible shit that I’d love to binge-watch after a day of dealing with tedious client feedback. The trailer also features a classic, heartwarming Jason Mraz song that could honestly make Two Girls One Cup look sentimental. It also includes dramatic statements that make me feel united with the world even though in reality, everyone is shooting each other and Donald Trump is legitimately running for presidency. Somehow phrases like “This is life”, “This is support,” “This is courage,” and “This is forgiveness,” when set to Jason Mraz of course, really tug at the heart strings. And wait, is that MANDY MOORE??

Watch the trailer here

I was hooked, in a shameful kind of “I love the Bachelor” sort of way. Since I figure it will be mostly 50-something moms tuning into this show with me, I thought I would write a play-by-play as I watch the first episode so everyone can enjoy.

Spoiler alert: if you actually want to watch this show you should probably wait to read this. I’m also going to warn you that I spent 45 minutes watching this show and actually don’t think anything else happened besides what I see in that trailer. So honestly it’s probably not worth your time, skip to episode 2.

Act 1

The show starts with text on the screen referencing Wikipedia and how many birthdays people share. I guess the entire premise of this show is that all of these people have the same birthday and they’re all 36? I don’t really know why that’s important. Maybe I’ll find out later but as of right now, it seems like a dumb excuse to bring a bunch of washed up actors and actresses together. Also, they’re really channeling my high school playlist. As if the Jason Mraz tune wasn’t enough, they’re now playing Sufjan Stevens.

I definitely never thought I’d see Mandy Moore pregnant with triplets holding a cupcake with Sufjan Stevens playing in the background but I’ll take it. I don’t know who plays her husband but he definitely has the sentimental hipster, lumberjack vibe so I’m into it. She does an awkward dance for him and then it switches over to Molly from “Mike and Molly” staring into a fridge with Post-It notes on all the food. I also never thought I’d see Molly from “Mike and Molly” in her underwear getting on a scale to Sufjan Stevens but this show is really #breakingbarriers so I should’ve known better.

Shift to the token black character. He’s sitting in a hoity toity office looking very profesh. He looks like he would fit very well into some stock photography scenes I’ve looked at like this one:

His stock photography staff comes in singing happy birthday to him which interrupts him reading an email that says someone found his long lost father.

Now to the token hot, questionably gay guy. This guy is by far my least favorite character. He’s an actor on a terrible sitcom called “Manny” where he is… a man nanny. Just for the record, this is NOT the type of TV shit I would watch. Anyways, he is clearly ashamed of his role on this show and wants to be known for more than just taking off his shirt, but quite frankly, I don’t care.

Act 2

Fast forward and Mandy Moore is in the hospital. Much to my dismay, she is not performing “Candy” to Make-A-Wish kids. Instead she is about to give birth to her triplets. An old dude comes in and says her normal doctor’s appendix burst (obvi) and he says some motivational stuff to calm her down. I can tell this old guy is going to say a lot of things that I’m eventually going to see in bad fonts all over the internet.

“Manny” guy gets mad at his director (or some higher up guy) for not giving him emotional roles or something. I blacked out during most of his scenes.
Stock photo guy tells his wife about his long-lost-father while their kid scores a goal on the soccer field.


Molly throws out all of her junk food and then asks the neighbor if she can have her dog’s poop to put on top of the junk food, presumably so she doesn’t dig in the trash to eat the Doritos? #America

Then Molly goes to an obesity support group or something where she, you’ll never believe this, runs into MIKE FROM “MIKE AND MOLLY.” I’ve never actually watched Mike and Molly but I’m sure the moms are eating this shit up.

Act 3

A bunch of dramatic stuff happens here: Mike and Molly go on a date and they drink “too many calories” of wine (their words, not mine), stock photo guy meets his previously drug-addicted dad, Manny flips a table on the set cause he’s so pissed about his boring role, and hot lumberjack husband has a heart-to-heart with the old doctor.


I also need to note that Mike and Molly go back to her place and romantically watch a YouTube clip of a man humping a dolphin? I don’t know what was going on there but right after Mike asks Molly if she “wants to fool around”. I’m getting the vibe that Mike is into some kinky shit.

Mandy Moore passes out while having her baby and one of the triplets dies. Thank God for motivational old doctor who calms down hot lumberjack husband.

Stock photo guy (Randall, just Googled his name) brings his estranged father to meet his wife and kids. In return, Randall’s dad tells him that he’s dying. Jesus. This is like 5 entire Nicholas Spark novels crammed into one episode. He then tells Randall “his dad must’ve been very proud of you” which leaves me confused. Is this guy even his dad or some rando?

In the dramatic finale, hot lumberjack is looking at his babies through that window that everyone looks at babies through in movies. This fire fighter comes up next to him and informs him that the baby in the corner was left at the fire department. I don’t know why but he then offers him a smoke. Why is this guy able to smoke in the hospital? Is that a thing?

As if taking a baby that isn’t yours home from the hospital is as easy as picking up some produce at Cub Foods, Mandy Moore and hot lumberjack somehow manage to adopt this 3rd random baby so ta-da, they have 3 babies again. The final scene is of the 3 babies in terribly hand-embroidered onesies that say “The Big Three” on them. What an ending.


In Conclusion

If you couldn’t tell by my sarcastic tone, this show is exactly the piece of garbage that I was expecting. With that being said, I will probably still watch it. I don’t have any explanation why other than I love watching terrible TV. It’s mindless and it makes me feel better about my own life. I definitely had more fun writing and criticizing this show than actually watching it.

This will for sure be a very polarizing show…you’ll either absolutely love it or despise the hell out of it. If you watched the “This is Us” premiere, let me know what you thought!


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